Beautifully Broken

I still remember the dreaded sound of my alarm going off at 5am. If I was lucky, Carter would have only woken up twice in the middle of the night to eat, leaving me a few hours to get some sleep. Exhausted, I'd drag myself out of bed, and fumble around for the pile of scrubs I had laid out the night before. I would get dressed in the dark and quietly slip into the bathroom to brush my teeth and put my hair up in a bun. Then I would sit on the counter and try my best to put some life into my face. I distinctly remember looking in the mirror and telling myself, "You can do this." More than once, a tear would roll down my cheek. 

I'd go into the kitchen, make my lunch for the day and pop two waffles in the toaster. If I had enough time, I might get to sit down and eat them. It was almost time for my grandma to arrive to watch Carter for the day. So before I left, I'd sneak into his room and watch him sleep. I'd whisper, "Mommy loves you" ever so softly, kiss my finger, and place it on his head. Then I would slip out the door. I always hated how depressingly dark and cold it was when I would leave. I would get into my car, just fast enough before the tears would come pouring down. I had three months of school left, and it was going to take everything I had just to finish. 

I remember people telling me how I would look back and one day forget about all of the pain and the hurt that I felt. At the time, I wished all the pain would go away. I would have given ANYTHING for it to just go away. I absolutely ached to the very depths of my soul, and I would be lying if I said that some days I don't still feel that pain. But I CAN'T forget that pain. I will remember exactly where I was the day I found out my husband was having a relationship outside of our marriage. I will remember every tear I cried. I will remember where I sat the night he told me he didn't love me. I will remember all the times I laid on the floor, begging God to take the hurt away. I will remember the nights that I drove around just to find a quiet place to park and cry. This may sound strange, but I WANT to remember the hard, so that I'm able to cherish the strength that I gained from it all. The bible says: 

               

                     "For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of 

                      glory beyond all comparison, as we look not for the things that are seen

                      but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient

                      but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

What I'm trying to say is that the life that I knew before, could never produce in my heart, what this "broken" life has! Yours might look different, you may be battling with infertility, coping with addictions, experiencing pain from a failed marriage and the list goes on and on. But they all have one thing in common and that is that they are all something in your life that is broken, and cause you to need Jesus. Don't resist what God wants to do in your heart through your story! 

                      "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the 

                       test, that person will receive the crown of life that The Lord has promised 

                       to those who love him." James 1:12

HE picked me up off the floor. HE wiped my tears. HE helped me finish school. HE gave me the best job in the world. HE has provided a home for me. HE has helped me raise the most precious little boy. HE has placed dreams and desires in my heart that were never there before.HE is my Heavenly Father.  And there is no way I would have made it this far without him. 

As I reflect back on those rough days of waking up early to finish nursing school, raising a baby, going through a divorce, watching my parents divorce, and losing the one person who I counted on the most, I have no doubt in my mind as to how I made it through. The days still aren't always easy. Sometimes when my heart is too full of hurt and I am so overwhelmed by the "hard", I lean into the arms of my Father. I can almost feel his arms wrap around my weary heart as I rest in his presence. I can feel him doing something big in me... something much bigger than I can see. And this brokenness that we feel for this short time, is preparing us for something beyond what we could ever comprehend. We are all beautifully broken. 

Xoxoxo

Brittani 

What I'm Loving Lately + GIVEAWAY

One of my favorite ways to learn about new products is by word of mouth. I always love to hear what others are really loving, and about products that work for them. I thought it would be a great idea to do monthly posts on "What I'm Loving Lately" so that I can share with you all, the things that I am loving! I will include things like beauty products, household products, foods, books, kids items and anything else that's worth sharing! So, here we go! 

For only $5.99 at Target, you can get this amazing face primer that is very comparable to many high-end primers. I have always thought that a primer wasn't really a necessary step in my beauty routine. It just seemed like one extra thing to do, and for me, less is more. What I didn't realize was that by using a primer, it would help cut down time on my makeup routine. By using just a small amount of this clear primer over my face, it smooths over any rough spots and makes pores less visible, making concealers and powders glide on effortlessly. Best of all, it doesn't break me out! I just repurchased this last week because I didn't want to be without it! 

I picked these up at my local grocery store after searching for a vitamin with biotin for my hair. After coloring my hair quite often lately, I was concerned about the health of it. I'm happy to say that I have been taking these diligently for about a month now and I have noticed a significant difference in my hair! I have noticed less fallout and an increase in growth. If you are trying to grow your hair or just improve it's overall health, I would definitely recommend these! 

I absolutely LOVE this stuff!! I started using this body wash years ago when I found it at ULTA. I immediately loved it. It smells like a sweet lemon cupcake, and lemon smells are my absolute favorite. Don't worry, if you don't like lemon scents, there are plenty more wonderful scents to choose from! My skin has never felt softer than it does after using this. I have always had these tiny bumps on my upper arms known as "keratosis pilaris". While you can't see them, you can feel the bumps. After using this, you can barely even feel them at all! You can purchase this body wash at ULTA for around $8. I have also found the vitabath body washes at TJMAXX and Marshall's for the same price. 

If there's one weakness that I have, experimenting with different hair products is definitely it. I have tried MANY conditioners in my lifetime. I am very particular on the way I want them to make my hair feel, and of course, smell is also a big plus. I have tried many different hair care brands, but I always come back to Biolage. It leaves my hair feeling extremely soft, but not too soft so that it doesn't hold style. It also helps cut down on the crazy fly-always that I tend to get. Some conditioners tend to leave build-up or residue on your scalp, but I have never had that issue when using Biolage. And to top it off, ALL Biolage products smell heavenly!! 

If you walk into my apartment on any given day, 9 times out of 10 I will have a candle burning. Lately, I have been so obsessed with these candles from Anthropologie in the scent "Volcano". I am terrible at describing scents, but the Anthropologie website describes the scent as: tropical fruits, sugared oranges, lemons and limes, redolent with lightly exotic mountain greens. In other words, it smells AMAZING. This scent comes in all different sizes and in different style jars that are just beautiful. Not only will they make your home smell so wonderful, but the beautiful jars make for a gorgeous decorating piece! 

Last but not least are these reverse stud earrings from The Loft. On a daily basis, I usually find it best to wear some type of stud earring, especially with a toddler who likes to pull on my hair and earrings. I began to get really bored with plain pearl studs, until I came across these while shopping at The Loft one day. The trendy reverse style gives them a unique and edgy twist that I absolutely love! And they will go with just about any outfit, dressed up or down! 

And...... I love these earrings so much, I've decided to do a GIVEAWAY!!!! One lucky reader will win a pair of these reverse pearl studs from The Loft! I tried to keep this as simple as possible, so here are the instructions..... 

Starts Wednesday, January 14

Ends Friday, January 16 @ Noon CST 

WINNER will be announced via Instagram on Friday, Jan. 16

Tag 2 friends on the giveaway post located on my Instagram page @brittaninic 

For an extra entry, you may share the giveaway post on Instagram! 

GOOD LUCK! 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog! I hope you are able to try out a few of these wonderful products that I have discovered! Comment below and let me know what you are loving lately!! 

Xoxoxo, 

Brittani 

'Tis the Reason

I finally got home around 10pm after a jam-packed Christmas Day of driving here and there. My car was stocked with presents that Carter and I had received, and I had to make quite a few trips up and down the stairs just to bring them all up. My apartment was a mess from Christmas morning activities and a pile of dishes sat in the sink from breakfast. Carter was with his dad for half of the day and was sleeping at his house for the night. I sat down on the couch in the quiet of the room and looked at the bags of presents. I felt empty. It's not that I expected for bags of presents to make me feel whole, but I felt strangely guilty. Carter and I had been very blessed, with materialistic things. All the toys a child could want, home decor, and gift cards. I hadn't asked for anything for Christmas, and I feel very fortunate to have been blessed with such thoughtful gifts. But as I sat there, tears began to fill my eyes. What I wanted for Christmas is not something that anyone could place under the tree. I wanted my son to be at home, asleep in his room and to have the family that I always dreamed he would have. I wanted to have my parents together, and I wanted to have the relationship with my mother that I used to have. But I know better. God has a plan that far exceeds any plans that I could have for my own life. And much as it hurts, I have to trust that he knows what he's doing. 

I stood up to get a tissue, and as I began to walk, I passed by a mirror. For some reason, I just stood there and looked at my reflection. I have cried many tears within the past year, but this time I didn't wipe them away, I just let them fall. And as I looked at myself, I saw a girl that I didn't recognize. This girl was strong. But she didn't get that way on her own. 

I have learned that in my deepest moments of despair, to lay it all down before Jesus. In those moments when I don't want to get up off the floor, He reaches down to take my hand and helps me up again.... and again. He says," The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

I will never forget something that my dad told me not too long ago. He said, "There is only one man you can count on. As your dad, I will try my best but I am not perfect. But Jesus is." And my dad is right.

HE will never leave me. HE will never fail me. HE will never hurt me. HE is my rock. HE is my Savior. 

As I stood there looking in the mirror, a quiet voice was there to remind me that I wasn't walking through this alone. And through all of the trials and struggles, I can feel his presence. I believe that through me, he will use my story to further his kingdom and change the lives of others. Looking back at me in the mirror, I saw a girl who wasn't afraid of what the future holds, because she knows that her God is already there. He doesn't care about all those fancy gifts that we received for Christmas. He doesn't care what the comforter on your bed looks like, the brand of your handbag, or the jewels around your neck. He cares about what's in your heart. 

I now understood why I felt so empty. I looked around at my apartment and at those bags that were full of possessions and things that don't matter. I have things shoved away in drawers that I've forgotten about, and there's perfectly new toys that have sunk to the bottom of the toy box. I've got 20 pairs of shoes and there's children out there who don't even have one pair. I've become so selfish and have gotten so caught up in the earthly things of this world, that I have forgotten to live the way that Jesus has called us to live. Do I think that having nice things is wrong? Absolutely not! But if you're looking for earthy possessions to make you happy, you will always fall short. There will always be a newer, bigger, better thing out there. But there is only ONE God. And only He can fulfill your life, like nothing of this world. 

Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

If Jesus showed up at your doorstep for dinner, he wouldn't remember what you were wearing or what your house looked like. But he would remember what was in your heart. Each of is an innkeeper who decides if there is room for Jesus. Beneath all things of this World, is there room left for him in your heart?

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Every year it seems to go by faster and faster and I find myself wanting hold on the magic of the season. However, I'm looking forward to a brand new year and I have been praying about something big that God has placed on my heart. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated! If you don't hear from me before, I pray that you have a wonderful New Year's Day!

Xoxoxo, 

Brittani 

Homemade Bath Fizzies

There is nothing more that I look forward to at night, than taking a long relaxing bath at the end of the day. As a treat, I have always loved using Lush Cometics' bath bombs, but they can be anywhere from $6-$10 per bath bomb. With the amount of baths that I take, I'd be spending a lot of money on something that's going to fizzle away in just a few minutes. However, I always love how they make my bath water smell so good and my skin so soft. Soooo... I looked for recipes on Pinterest in an attempt to make my own. As expected, I came across dozens of recipes. After reading up on all of them, I decided to make a variation of my own recipe. 

So here are the ingredients I used. HOWEVER, I would substitute the baby oil for sweet almond oil. I just so happened to have baby oil on hand but I regret not using almond oil. Coconut oil is also optional because it doesn't completely fizz in the water, but it will make your skin so soft. 

3/4 cup corn starch-$3

1 cup baking soda -$2

1/2 cup citric acid (found at most health food stores; bought mine at Goodstuff) -$4

3T sweet almond oil ( also read that vegetable oil works well) -$6

1T coconut oil (OPTIONAL) -$10

1/3 small bottle essential oil; I used Lavender but you can choose any oil you choose -$10 

Food colors of choice 

Molds ( clear round ornaments, muffin tin with or without liners, different shaped candy molds)

NOT PICTURED A spray bottle with water. Helps to distribute the food coloring throughout the mixture.

My handy little helper........

Mix all the dry ingredients together (baking soda, citric acid, corn starch) in a large bowl.

Next add the sweet almond oil and the coconut oil if you choose. Then add the essential oil of your choice. I "guesstimated" the amount of oil I used to be about 1/4 to 1/3 of the bottle. I wanted my fizzies to be purple so I added about 5 drops of both red and blue food coloring. Then, spray the mixture with water to help distribute the color. Mix with your hands until the mixture is the color you want and the consistency is moldable like sand when squeezed. 

Press the mixture into the mold(s) you are using. I used a muffin tin with liners, but I plan to use a clear plastic ornament for the next batch so that they are in the shape of a ball. 

Let them sit in the freezer overnight. The liner will peel off easily when ready. 

And here's what they look like when they're done! I wish they would have been more of a purple color, but this was pretty "trial and error" for me. 

They made my bath water smell AMAZING and my skin SO soft. I even broke one in half and used it in Carter's bath, and his skin was so soft after. 

  

I hope that this recipe works for you!! I will however, continue to "tweak" the the ingredients and I promise to update you on any changes that I find work better. There are so many variations of this recipe with many shapes and scent combinations that it's overwhelming!

So grab a glass of wine, turn on Pandora, drop a bath Fizzie in your water and ENJOY!! 

Xoxoxo, 

Brittani 

 

This Thanksgiving...

It's truly amazing how quickly a year goes by, and how much your life can change in such a short amount of time. This time last year, my life felt as though it was completely falling apart all around me. Looking back, some of that time was a blur, and some of that time is embedded in my memory so vividly that I wish I could forget it. And although some days I still feel as though I'm still living in chaos, I feel extremely thankful this year for the many blessings that God has given me.

Social media makes it very to easy compare your life to everyone else's these days. We take the best part of our days and showcase them for everyone to see, moving piles of laundry and staging our pictures just right so it appears as though we have it all together. As you look through photos on my social media accounts, you would never be able to guess which days that I was battling some of the hardest days of my life. I'm guilty of looking at other's photos and seeing things like engagements, weddings and pregnancy announcements, and wondering why everyone else's lives seem to be moving forward while mine seems to be moving backwards. It has taken me a good year to realize that I am not moving backwards and that others lives are not as perfect as they might look on the outside. I have learned that although my life feels like it's falling apart, it's actually falling into place the way that God wants it to. Sometimes we get so caught up in the things in that aren't going OUR way, that we forget about the blessings that we have been given. This Thanksgiving, I want to be sure that I really take a step back and thank God for all that he has blessed me with, and I urge you to do the same. 

The biggest blessing in my life is my son. The greatest feeling in the world is to be loved unconditionally. Your children love you despite what your hair looks like, what jean size you wear or whether or not you graduated college. They fill a void in your heart that you didn't even know you had until they came into your life, and they make you forget all about your life before them. To be called "mommy" or "daddy" is one of the biggest blessings this world has to offer. Not only did God give me the gift of being a mom, but he gave me the second best calling, to be a nurse. Earlier this year, at a time when I needed it the most, he gave me the best job that I could ever ask for, and that's an understatement. I can't even call it a "job", because I would do it for free. I was not only given the best job, but I was blessed with a new friendship and another little boy who has stolen my heart.  It is no coincidence that I am where I am today.

I am thankful for the clothes that fit just a little too snug because it means that I have enough to eat. I'm thankful for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means that I am capable of walking. I'm thankful for the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech. I'm thankful for the lady behind me in church that sings off key because it means that I can hear. And I'm thankful for the alarm that goes off when I wake up because it means that I'm alive. I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, clothes on my back and a family that loves me. I have established friendships this year that I would have never had the chance to make if my life had never changed. I am an entirely different person than I was a year ago, and I love who I have become. I have learned grace, forgiveness, patience, strength and selflessness. And I have a whole future ahead of me, full of hopes and dreams and I have never been more excited about all the plans God has for my life.

I know there might be someone reading this that is going through a hard time this year, and it feels like you have nothing to be thankful for. I know you feel like the only one in world going through a hard time, but I promise you're not alone. Look around at all the simple things that you have been blessed with and don't compare your life to the "outside" of everyone else's. God might be doing some "rearranging" in your life, but know that he hasn't forgotten about you. 

My hope is that you will reflect over this past year and think about all that you have to be thankful for, and that you will enjoy this time with the ones that you love and love you. Oh, and gobble till you wobble! ;) 

Happy Thanksgiving!! 

Much love, 

Brittani