The Real Love Story

It's still a very surreal feeling that I will be getting married in 4 weeks. The days are flying by and before I know it I will be walking down the aisle to marry the man whom I will share my life with.  I feel very emotional as I reflect on the journey that I've been on, to be where I am today. I want to relish in the blessings that God has given me and for this wonderful season in my life, but I have learned that it's in the suffering that we truly come to realize just how good our God is. 

Last Sunday, my Fiance and I went to church, the church that I have attended for many years. During worship, the altar was open for anyone to come and pray. Jeff took my hand and motioned for the front of the church as he had many times before. But this time, as he got down on his knees and prayed, I heard him say these words. "Lord please help me to be the Godly leader of our family." My eyes immediately welled up with tears and my heart felt so full I thought it might burst. And then, like a ton of bricks, I remembered that I had been here so many times before. And right there, on that same ground, on those same knees, I had prayed all alone many times before. Through my tears, I would pray,

"God, I'm so broken, I'm so sad, and I'm so hurt. I know that you only you can take that away. I don't understand why this has happened to me, but please use me for your glory. Please bring someone into my life on your time, not mine." 

To be honest, sometimes I would add, "but please don't be TOO long from now...." Like God really needed my input of timing suggestions. And yet, here I am, 4 weeks away from marrying the man that I had prayed for. "BLESSED is she who believed that the LORD would fulfill his promises to Her." Luke 1:45

BUT this  is not about my relationship with my soon-to-be Husband, it's about my relationship with The Lord. And right there at that altar, I was reminded of just how badly I needed Him during that time of suffering. I had nothing else. I had no one else. I had Him, and that was all. Looking back now, I realize what a blessing that time was! Oh what a blessing it is to endure suffering for His glory!  James 1:12 tells us,

 “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

Two years ago, I had no idea what God was going to do with my life. I couldn't see past the tears, the hurt, and the pain. The pain has not gone away because The Lord brought a man into my life, but because The Lord is in my life. The most beautiful love story that I will ever be a part of, is the one in which I fall in love every day with the One who made me. Where I continue to realize and understand little by little that He chose me. He has a purpose for me, and He has a plan for me, and he has one for you too. THIS is true love. 

It doesn't matter who broke your heart or who took you for granted. That person does not define your worth because they do not have power over you. Your worth comes from who you are in Jesus. He is the one who adds value to your story. Because of my story, my life has taken on new meaning. I believe that God assigned me this "mountain" to show others that it can be moved.

In four weeks I will wear the white dress, and I will walk down the aisle to the man God intended for me to spend my life with. But this day will symbolize so much more than just a marriage. This is a marriage of two people, joining as one family, with God as the center.  The bible says, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy: I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." This day will be a day of celebration because the devil has not won.  God has given me a new life and I'm going to live it for his glory.

That's the Real Love Story.

Xoxo,

Brittani 

Just a Nurse

Unless you've been living under a rock lately (which is not a bad idea...) you've seen the uproar that The View has caused, following the 2015 Miss America pageant. For the talent portion of the competition, Miss Colorado did a monologue on her career as an Alzheimer's nurse. The day after the pageant, members from the The View mocked Miss Colorado with comments like, "she practically read an email... that's not a talent" and "Why does she have a doctors stethoscope around her neck?" Like the rest of the nurses around the country, these comments made my blood boil. I am not a fan of The View and never have been, but this really put me over the edge.

As a former "pageant girl", I would like to confess that I have never participated in a pageant with a talent portion.... because I can't  sing, dance or play an instrument. Sure I could have "learned" how to do any of these things to help me win a pageant, but would that have been a true reflection of the talents God gave me? Miss Colorado, I cannot applaud you enough, for walking out on that stage, and rocking the talent that is being a nurse. I'm sure you knew that a monologue might look less impressive to the judges than the opera singer or the dancer, but let me assure you that those girls do not do what you do everyday. I know, because I too am a nurse. 

We made it through nursing school, that was a challenge in itself. We then went on to hold the hand of someone while they take their last breath. We've watched parents lose their children. Children lose their parents. We've had conversations with lonely patient's that have no one else. We've caught doctor's mistakes that could cost someone their lives. We've been yelled at, reprimanded and scolded. We've cried behind closed doors and on our way home.

You see ladies of The View, my talent is not be singing, dancing or playing an instrument. My talent is sitting up all night monitoring a baby's oxygen level while his mom and dad get some sleep. It's waking him up every few hours when he's sick to give him breathing treatments. It's listening to his lungs WITH A STETHOSCOPE to make sure they are clear. Because there is NO doctor around to check them. It's knowing how to comfort him when mom and dad aren't there. It's sitting up at all hours of the night while his parents express their hopes and fears for their child. It's being a shoulder to cry on or a person to vent to when things are hard. It's dropping what I can to be there for him, any night or day. 

A nurse's talent isn't showcased on stage, and that's ok, we don't need it to be. God gave us the gifts of compassion, patience, selflessness and humility. Maybe you ladies from The View should ask God to give you a few of those qualities? Remember that while you sit there and bash others from your chair, we are out changing other's lives with ours. I will be praying for you. 

And to Miss Colorado, from all of us nurses, you rock girl! 

Xoxo, 

Brittani 

Bridal Makeup

For the past few weeks I have been experimenting with different makeup products to use for my wedding, as well as engagement and bridal pictures. On a regular daily basis, I spend about 5-10 minutes on my makeup, using a little "CC cream", blush and mascara. My fiance actually prefers the "less is more" look. But for pictures, and especially for big events like my wedding, I want to create a flawless, yet long-wearing look. If you've got a special photo session coming up, or a big event such as a wedding, here a few products that I am using for my "big day", that you might want to try too!

One- I've been using this Ecotools brush for a few years now to apply blush, and after all this time, it's still going strong. I hate when bristles fall out of brushes and onto my face, and so far I don't think I've seen even one bristle fall out of this brush. Best of all, the hairs on this brush are super soft and this brush is very affordable. You can purchase it here. 

Two- So as I said before, I am not a foundation wearer on a daily basis. I wear a "CC Cream" or concealer and blush on most days. However, I wanted a foundation that would look great in photos and was long-wearing through sweat and tears on my wedding day. I've worn this foundation on a few occasions and I have to say, it does make my skin flawless. After 10 hours of wear, it still looked good at the end of the night. I would call this a "medium" coverage foundation as it is not too thick, which I do not like. I want it look like "my skin" but better. For the price, I really do think it lives up to it's claims. You can purchase it here.

Three- I have been using L'Oreal carbon black telescopic eyeliner for probably 6 months now, and I really really like it. I am a big fan of liquid eye liner and feel that it really stays in place, compared to pencil liner. The carbon black line is truly black and the application wand helps it glide on very smooth. I would recommend this eyeliner to anyone that has problems keeping their eyeliner from transferring to their eyelid. It does come in waterproof, and I will probably be purchasing that, especially for my wedding.

Four- This is my fourth tube of Maybelline Lash Sensational  and I have to say that I obviously really like this mascara. I am usually a covergirl last blast girl, but I love how this mascara separates my lashes and gives great volume, which I think probably has something to do with the curved wand. 

Five and Six- I am very new to contouring my face. The idea has always been very daunting to me as a "minimal makeup" girl. However, I found this NYX contour stick in "universal" at ULTA, and it is great for a beginner like me. I am not sold on the highlighter side of this stick, but the darker side is perfect for hollowing out my cheeks, forehead and nose. To blend it in after I've applied it, I use this Real Techniques sculpting brush. I absolutely LOVE this brush and Real Techniques brushes in general. 

Seven- This blush from MAC is called "Melba". I have had this blush for a few years, and every time I switch to another, I always come back to it. The color is the perfect mixture between a rosy pink and a tan. MAC blushes also seem to last a lot longer than most blushes I've tried, which is great for an outside wedding where I might be sweating....and crying...a lot. 

Eight- I'm not normally a "primer" girl, but I think for a special event, it's important to have a good base for your makeup to adhere to. The Smashbox photofinish primer is probably one of the most popular primers, and I'd have to agree. 

Nine- I have been using this Maybelline Age Rewind under-eye concealer for probably a year now, and I love it. I stopped using it for awhile, but realized my under-eyes were looking a little tired. I put this on under my eyes, over my foundation to help brighten my under-eye area. I've also been known to wear it on a daily basis as a regular concealer.

  Before...... Contouring, or Halloween makeup?

After...... My makeup in natural lighting. I don't even recognize myself...

    Later that day.... Same makeup used for engagement photos 

I hope that this post gives you an idea of some new products that you might want to try or pick up the next time you are out shopping. Most of the products mentioned are very affordable. I am by no means a professional, just sharing what works for me! I always love to hear about products that others are loving too! If you have a product that you are loving, or if you try one of these, please comment below and let me know! 

XOXO, 

Brittani 

Dear Sweet Girl

Dear Sweet Girl,

I know that life feels like it's over right now, but I promise you that it has only just begun. As you sit on the floor crying, ruining your makeup for the third time today, I want you to know that there is so much more to your life than that boy who decided to leave you. I know that it hurts, I know that it's hard to get out of bed today, and I know that it will take all you have just to face the world. But do it anyways.

I know that you will get in your car and hear a song that reminds you of the past, but listen to it anyways. 

I know that you will go to your favorite restaurant and it will remind of the times you had together, but do it anyways. 

Your worth is not based on the boy who left you. Your worth lies in the eyes of the Lord, and to him, you are worth far more than rubies.

I know that it's hard to believe the promises because you are scarred and broken, but I promise that God has a plan for you. He is not surprised by what you are going through, and he is not unsure how He is going to take care of His children. It may take time, but always make the choice to choose hope instead of fear. One day you will look back and smile at how far you've come. You will hear that song on the radio and sing along with a smile on your face. And instead of being sad, you will be so proud of the woman you've become. 

Sweet girl, A man will never define who you are. God made you a beautiful, graceful and strong woman for a reason. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough. Because you are.

The journey will be a long one, and I can't promise that it will be easy. There will be times that you will go looking for someone to love you, but don't. There is already One who loves you more than anyone else ever could, and He always will. In fact, He loves you so much, that He died for you. I promise that if you take his hand, He will never leave your side. A strong woman is a woman who knows what she needs and reaches out to Jesus for it. 

Sweet girl, there will be many days where you feel like you're in the clear, only to fall back down again. There will be many times when you will feel like giving up. When that happens, it's ok to sit on the floor and cry. But always always ALWAYS get back up. I promise you'll be glad you did. 

It's important that you take this time that God has given you, to learn about the woman that He has created you to be. You were fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. You are a daughter of the King. You are so deserving of love, sweet girl. The thoughts and words of the past that ring in your ears, let them go. You are so much more than that.

Sweet girl, do not ever settle for anyone or anything. You deserve to be honored, respected, cherished, favoured and loved. "Above all else, guard you Heart, for everything you do, flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

And maybe, just maybe, there will come a day when you'll look up to see a man who's love for the Lord echoes your own, and you will then look back and realize that God's plan was so much better than your own.

Oh sweet girl, the future is so much better than you can see right now.  I know it's hard to trust Him right now, BUT DO IT ANYWAYS. 

Through God, Broken will always be made Beautiful.

I'll see you soon, sweet girl.

Sincerely,

ME

Enough.

I cherish every day that I get to spend with Carter. As a single and working mom, there are 2-3 days a week where I don't get to see him. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out and that I'm not the mom that I  always thought I would be. Some days I'm on the verge of tears. I feel like I can't ever live up to this image of this "perfect mom" that I have created in my head.

She's the mom who's got it all together. Her hair is perfectly styled and her makeup is flawless. She always has on the cutest outfits and her children are always dressed to the T. Her home looks like something straight out of a magazine, and obviously her kids never make messes. Her home is clean, and the laundry is always done. She drinks smoothies and lives off salads, while her kids eat all of their vegetables. She spends her days making Pinterest projects with her kids, or taking them to elaborate entertainment events. Her kids never cry, whine or make a scene in public.

It has taken some time but I have realized that the "perfect mom" doesn't exist.

I've been beating myself up over not living up to this "perfect mom" image I had always imagined that I would be. Before I had my son, I remember saying how I would NEVER be one of "those" parent's that let my son play on the Ipad or Iphone. I was going to make home-made baby food and elaborate dinosaur shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He would NEVER sleep in my bed, and the paci would be gone by his first birthday. I would NEVER not do my hair or wear makeup. Instead, he sleeps with me often, and the we finally ditched the paci about a month ago. My hair could use fresh highlights, and doesn't get done but once or twice a week. My wardrobe consists of a few staple items that I interchange depending on what's clean. My son is usually dirty, or half naked. My bed is never made, there's toys everywhere and dishes in the sink. He eats cheetos for lunch and refuses to eat the rest of his food. There's pieces of play-doh all over my house from the last Pinterest project, and I can't afford elaborate entertainment events. WWII erupts if we can't find the huge double seated carts to sit in at Target, that I HATE to drive. I scold myself when I give in to the candy at the check-out counter. " A good mom wouldn't let him have candy." I scold myself when I allow him to sleep in "mommy's bed." " I'm such a bad mom, I shouldn't let him to sleep with me." I scold myself when he goes to bed later than his bedtime. "A good mom would have him in bed by 8."

So who is this "good mom"??

She's the one rocking a crying baby at 3am. The one crying because her baby won't stop crying. The one building forts when she still has piles of laundry to do. The one kissing boo boos and placing bandages on skinned knees. The one driving back and forth to swim and gymnastics lessons. The one cleaning up crushed goldfish after vacuuming. The one praying over a sick baby. The one making dinner from what's left in the pantry, because there's still three days until payday. The one playing with trucks when the house needs to be cleaned. The one cleaning yogurt out of the carpet, again. The one clapping after they go potty on the potty for the first time.  The one searching for a missing pacifier in the middle of the night. The one sewing an arm back on their favorite stuffed animal. The one bending down to wipe their tears away.

 It's me, and  It's YOU.

Sometimes you cry behind the bathroom door. Only to regain your composure as your little one bangs "Mommy!" on the door. You feel like you're failing. The image of this "perfect mom" is unattainable. You wonder if anyone understands the way you feel.  Everyone else seems to have it all together. What we sometimes forget is how quickly time goes by. Before you know it, your baby will no longer be a baby. One day, all your child will remember is the days you played trucks in the dirt, or built a fort in the living room. Sometimes Carter will come up to me and say, "Mommy build..." There might be cleaning to do or piles of laundry to be folded, but the smile on his little face when I  build tall towers out of blocks, is worth dropping the laundry duties for. 

I want you to know, weary momma, that God says you're ENOUGH. He doesn't compare you to this image that you have created in your head. He doesn't care if your home is clean, or if your hair is done. Before your children were born, he decided that you would be their mother. Do not compare yourself to anyone else, for there is no one else who can do this job the way you do. So when you're feeling overwhelmed, lean on the one who gave you the greatest job in the world, and drop the image that you have created of being the "perfect mom."

There will be so many times you feel like you've failed, but in the eyes, heart and mind of your child, you are super mom.

XOXO, 

Brittani