Beautifully Broken

I still remember the dreaded sound of my alarm going off at 5am. If I was lucky, Carter would have only woken up twice in the middle of the night to eat, leaving me a few hours to get some sleep. Exhausted, I'd drag myself out of bed, and fumble around for the pile of scrubs I had laid out the night before. I would get dressed in the dark and quietly slip into the bathroom to brush my teeth and put my hair up in a bun. Then I would sit on the counter and try my best to put some life into my face. I distinctly remember looking in the mirror and telling myself, "You can do this." More than once, a tear would roll down my cheek. 

I'd go into the kitchen, make my lunch for the day and pop two waffles in the toaster. If I had enough time, I might get to sit down and eat them. It was almost time for my grandma to arrive to watch Carter for the day. So before I left, I'd sneak into his room and watch him sleep. I'd whisper, "Mommy loves you" ever so softly, kiss my finger, and place it on his head. Then I would slip out the door. I always hated how depressingly dark and cold it was when I would leave. I would get into my car, just fast enough before the tears would come pouring down. I had three months of school left, and it was going to take everything I had just to finish. 

I remember people telling me how I would look back and one day forget about all of the pain and the hurt that I felt. At the time, I wished all the pain would go away. I would have given ANYTHING for it to just go away. I absolutely ached to the very depths of my soul, and I would be lying if I said that some days I don't still feel that pain. But I CAN'T forget that pain. I will remember exactly where I was the day I found out my husband was having a relationship outside of our marriage. I will remember every tear I cried. I will remember where I sat the night he told me he didn't love me. I will remember all the times I laid on the floor, begging God to take the hurt away. I will remember the nights that I drove around just to find a quiet place to park and cry. This may sound strange, but I WANT to remember the hard, so that I'm able to cherish the strength that I gained from it all. The bible says: 

               

                     "For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of 

                      glory beyond all comparison, as we look not for the things that are seen

                      but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient

                      but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

What I'm trying to say is that the life that I knew before, could never produce in my heart, what this "broken" life has! Yours might look different, you may be battling with infertility, coping with addictions, experiencing pain from a failed marriage and the list goes on and on. But they all have one thing in common and that is that they are all something in your life that is broken, and cause you to need Jesus. Don't resist what God wants to do in your heart through your story! 

                      "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the 

                       test, that person will receive the crown of life that The Lord has promised 

                       to those who love him." James 1:12

HE picked me up off the floor. HE wiped my tears. HE helped me finish school. HE gave me the best job in the world. HE has provided a home for me. HE has helped me raise the most precious little boy. HE has placed dreams and desires in my heart that were never there before.HE is my Heavenly Father.  And there is no way I would have made it this far without him. 

As I reflect back on those rough days of waking up early to finish nursing school, raising a baby, going through a divorce, watching my parents divorce, and losing the one person who I counted on the most, I have no doubt in my mind as to how I made it through. The days still aren't always easy. Sometimes when my heart is too full of hurt and I am so overwhelmed by the "hard", I lean into the arms of my Father. I can almost feel his arms wrap around my weary heart as I rest in his presence. I can feel him doing something big in me... something much bigger than I can see. And this brokenness that we feel for this short time, is preparing us for something beyond what we could ever comprehend. We are all beautifully broken. 

Xoxoxo

Brittani 

What I'm Loving Lately + GIVEAWAY

One of my favorite ways to learn about new products is by word of mouth. I always love to hear what others are really loving, and about products that work for them. I thought it would be a great idea to do monthly posts on "What I'm Loving Lately" so that I can share with you all, the things that I am loving! I will include things like beauty products, household products, foods, books, kids items and anything else that's worth sharing! So, here we go! 

For only $5.99 at Target, you can get this amazing face primer that is very comparable to many high-end primers. I have always thought that a primer wasn't really a necessary step in my beauty routine. It just seemed like one extra thing to do, and for me, less is more. What I didn't realize was that by using a primer, it would help cut down time on my makeup routine. By using just a small amount of this clear primer over my face, it smooths over any rough spots and makes pores less visible, making concealers and powders glide on effortlessly. Best of all, it doesn't break me out! I just repurchased this last week because I didn't want to be without it! 

I picked these up at my local grocery store after searching for a vitamin with biotin for my hair. After coloring my hair quite often lately, I was concerned about the health of it. I'm happy to say that I have been taking these diligently for about a month now and I have noticed a significant difference in my hair! I have noticed less fallout and an increase in growth. If you are trying to grow your hair or just improve it's overall health, I would definitely recommend these! 

I absolutely LOVE this stuff!! I started using this body wash years ago when I found it at ULTA. I immediately loved it. It smells like a sweet lemon cupcake, and lemon smells are my absolute favorite. Don't worry, if you don't like lemon scents, there are plenty more wonderful scents to choose from! My skin has never felt softer than it does after using this. I have always had these tiny bumps on my upper arms known as "keratosis pilaris". While you can't see them, you can feel the bumps. After using this, you can barely even feel them at all! You can purchase this body wash at ULTA for around $8. I have also found the vitabath body washes at TJMAXX and Marshall's for the same price. 

If there's one weakness that I have, experimenting with different hair products is definitely it. I have tried MANY conditioners in my lifetime. I am very particular on the way I want them to make my hair feel, and of course, smell is also a big plus. I have tried many different hair care brands, but I always come back to Biolage. It leaves my hair feeling extremely soft, but not too soft so that it doesn't hold style. It also helps cut down on the crazy fly-always that I tend to get. Some conditioners tend to leave build-up or residue on your scalp, but I have never had that issue when using Biolage. And to top it off, ALL Biolage products smell heavenly!! 

If you walk into my apartment on any given day, 9 times out of 10 I will have a candle burning. Lately, I have been so obsessed with these candles from Anthropologie in the scent "Volcano". I am terrible at describing scents, but the Anthropologie website describes the scent as: tropical fruits, sugared oranges, lemons and limes, redolent with lightly exotic mountain greens. In other words, it smells AMAZING. This scent comes in all different sizes and in different style jars that are just beautiful. Not only will they make your home smell so wonderful, but the beautiful jars make for a gorgeous decorating piece! 

Last but not least are these reverse stud earrings from The Loft. On a daily basis, I usually find it best to wear some type of stud earring, especially with a toddler who likes to pull on my hair and earrings. I began to get really bored with plain pearl studs, until I came across these while shopping at The Loft one day. The trendy reverse style gives them a unique and edgy twist that I absolutely love! And they will go with just about any outfit, dressed up or down! 

And...... I love these earrings so much, I've decided to do a GIVEAWAY!!!! One lucky reader will win a pair of these reverse pearl studs from The Loft! I tried to keep this as simple as possible, so here are the instructions..... 

Starts Wednesday, January 14

Ends Friday, January 16 @ Noon CST 

WINNER will be announced via Instagram on Friday, Jan. 16

Tag 2 friends on the giveaway post located on my Instagram page @brittaninic 

For an extra entry, you may share the giveaway post on Instagram! 

GOOD LUCK! 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog! I hope you are able to try out a few of these wonderful products that I have discovered! Comment below and let me know what you are loving lately!! 

Xoxoxo, 

Brittani