My Story

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

The Day I Hit Bottom

Lately, all I want to do is to share the things that God has placed on my heart, but I get to the blank screen and the words just won't come. I want God to use my story, and my heart to inspire the lives of others, but getting the words out on paper isn't always easy. It wasn't until I was driving home after having coffee with a wonderful friend of mine, and sharing with one another how God has changed our lives, that I finally knew what I should write about. 

Over the past year and a half, the number one statement that I continue to hear is, "I don't know how you do it." I've heard this from family, friends, and any acquaintances that know my story. It's a harmless statement, and if I was in their shoes, I would wonder the exact same thing. My reaction is usually to just smile and gracefully say " You don't know what you would do, until you are in this situation." And my answer is most definitely the truth. But I'm about to dig a little bit deeper and give you the real answer to this question. 

grew up in a Christian home, where I attended church every Sunday since I was around the age of 8. I  attended a group on Wednesday nights called AWANAS as a young girl, where I learned bible verses, sang worship songs and fellowship with other "Christian" kids. It was one night while at AWANAS when I prayed a prayer and accepted Jesus into my heart. From then on, I knew what it took to be a "Christian" girl. I attended church with my family, opened my bible in Sunday school, didn't cuss, and tried to be kind to others. I said a prayer and acted like a Christian girl, but I had no idea what it meant to truly have a relationship with Jesus. I kept him in a box, and took him out only when I needed him. 

Fast forward to the age of 22, and shortly after filing for divorce, there was a point in my life where being accepted by men became very important me. There were things said to me at the end of my marriage that left deep gashes in my heart and ripped my self-confidence and worth to pieces. Because my own husband chose someone else over me, I felt that I wasn't good enough. I began going on many dates, just to feel accepted and attractive to a man who usually had the wrong intentions in mind. But this searching for love and acceptance never filled the gashes that my failed marriage had left in my heart. Then, on one very lonely night, while sitting at my sewing table, I began to sob uncontrollably. I crumbled to the floor and I felt my entire body go cold. Guilt, sadness, worthlessness and rejection had taken over the very depths of my soul, and I had no where else to turn. That was my bottom. I cried out, "God, I don't understand why I have to go through this?? I have no where else to turn but to you!" This was the day I gave everything in my life over to God and made a promise that I would submit to His will, instead of my own. 

Ever since that night, God has been moving mountains in my life.



Before this night, I believed that my past was too great for God to conquer. And while He doesn't promise to change my past, He promises to be present with me.  He promises to love me, even though I am not perfect. He is the only one who can mend the hurt and fill the void in my heart, like no earthly man could. We have a choice to get stuck in our past, dwelling on the pain you've been through and the injustice done to you to get to the place you are now. Or, you can give thanks to Jesus, that you are finally here, despite the challenges of getting here. You make the choice of whether you will move on or you can relive your past for the rest of your life. I have made the choice to move on, and to live the new life that God intended for me to live. 

My story is not one to be concealed, hidden and forgotten. My pain is very unique, but so is the one who saved me. Just like he saw the broken pieces of my life as I knew it, he sees yours too. He allows you to be broken so that He can create a new life for you and restore you in ways that you could never imagine. And when He picks up the broken pieces, you will not be made into the same person you were before. He will take the moment you shattered into all of those broken pieces, and use it to show those around you that beauty can come from brokenness. And that's exactly what he has done with mine. He doesn't promise that following Him will be easy. But I don't worry about what might happen in the future because I know that He is already there. 

I know that there is someone reading this that feels like they have reached their bottom and think that their past is too big for God to conquer. I want you to know that NOTHING is too big for God. When you fall to the floor because you have nothing left to give, He will always be there extending his hand to help you stand again. But it's your choice whether you take it or not. I made the decision to take His hand that night, and my life has never been the same.

So the answer to the statement, "I don't know how you do it," is simple. "I" am not doing a thing. But the God who lives in me, HE makes all things possible. Does He live in YOU? 



Xoxoxo, 

Brittani 

Monday, April 13, 2015

The Bittersweet TWO!


On April 13, 2013 at 3:34pm, I gave one last push and my life was changed forever. Nothing could prepare me for what motherhood would be like, and there's no manual on how to do it the "right way." In two short years I've learned how to have real patience, how to live on minimal sleep, how to get dressed in 5 minutes, how to change diapers in the dark, and do anything with one hand. It hasn't been easy, and there will be hard days ahead, but there will NEVER be a day when I will not be on his side.



God could not have blessed me more when He made me Carter's mom. His personality is truly one of a kind. He is tender and loving, silly and smart, and stubborn but sweet. He's always watching out for me saying, "Be careful Mommy" and "Bless you" when I sneeze. At night when we pray, he bows his head and closes his eyes, and when we finish he says, "Amen!" Then I kiss his hand and he places it on his heart, and then places one on mine.  Even when he says things like "I tooted" in public, or yells "Shut up" (thank you Woody from Toy Story), from behind a scold (and usually a laugh), I still love him more than my heart can hold. 

I will always share a special bond with Carter. He has saved me in so many ways, and I know that God has an even bigger purpose for his future. I try not to think about his first day of school, graduation and beyond, however, I can't wait to see the wonderful young man that he will turn into. But TODAY he is 2 years old and I will cherish every single day that I am his Mom. 

I love you Carter Blake, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Love, 

Mommy

















Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Faith, HOPE, and Love

When I first felt God calling me to start this blog, I was incredibly hesitant. Why would people care to hear what I had to say? I kept asking, "Why me God?" I was just a mediocre writer, I wasn't qualified, and I had no idea what I was doing. So I avoided the idea as much as I could, telling myself things like, " People probably wouldn't like it anyways..." I came up with so many reasons why I shouldn't do it, but God kept pressing it on my heart. Finally I decided to step out in faith, and I'm so glad that I did. I had NO IDEA that I would get the kind of response that I have gotten and continue to receive. In the 6 short months since I first started this blog, the huge amount of love and encouragement that I have received from others is overwhelming. I have received messages, texts, emails, and phone calls from so many people, saying how my blog has inspired, encouraged, or changed or their lives. 

What was holding me back was that I thought my life needed to be perfect in order for others to be interested in it. All the blogs that I had read were the "picture-perfect" blogs, complete with cute and healthy lunch-box meals, "outfit of the days", baby bump updates, and elaborate family vacations. I didn't have ANY of that to offer, I was completely broken. So far from perfect. But what I have learned about God, is that He loves to take things that are broken and make beautiful things out of them. I now see that God knew that other's lives were also broken, beyond what I could see. I believe that He is using my story to relate to others, in ways that the "picture-perfect" blogs can't. After all, He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. 



So here are just a few messages that I have received since starting my blog: 

"Just want you to know your blog is amazing. And you are doing some 
serious God work. Blessings are about to pour on you and that baby boy 
like never before." 

"Your words just helped me so much. I'm sitting here crying because it is just is spot on what I needed to hear today!" 

"God is speaking through you and you are helping people. I know for sure because you just helped me!"

I have been so humbled, blessed and encouraged through these kinds of messages. I want to say thank you to each and every one of you who have sent me messages such as these, shared my posts or commented on them. Your words are not forgotten. But what all of these particular messages have in common is that they are are from the same person. She has been one of my biggest cheerleaders from day one, and now it's my turn to be hers. 

#JOURNEYTOBABYV shirt design - zoomed

Domonique and her husband, Steve, have been struggling with heartbreak of infertility. A few months ago they were given a diagnosis that decreased their odds of conceiving on their own. Surgical intervention will be their only hope for a possible family. Unfortunately, insurance will not cover the costs of the very expensive procedures. Domonique has been such an encouragement to me in my journey, and I can only hope to be that to her, in her and her husbands journey to bring a precious life into this world. We serve a God of miracles and I am big believer in the amazing power or prayer. 


#JOURNEYTOBABYV Fundraiser - unisex shirt design - frontThese precious shirts are on sale in support of raising money for this wonderful cause. Please join me in helping them raise this money to help them on their #JOURNEYTOBABYV 
Just click on the link at the bottom of this page to order your T-shirt in support of this wonderful cause. Donations and prayers are also greatly appreciated. 

Thank you all for all of your support towards my blog, and for your support towards this wonderful couple!! 





Xoxoxo

Brittani