'Tis the Reason

I finally got home around 10pm after a jam-packed Christmas Day of driving here and there. My car was stocked with presents that Carter and I had received, and I had to make quite a few trips up and down the stairs just to bring them all up. My apartment was a mess from Christmas morning activities and a pile of dishes sat in the sink from breakfast. Carter was with his dad for half of the day and was sleeping at his house for the night. I sat down on the couch in the quiet of the room and looked at the bags of presents. I felt empty. It's not that I expected for bags of presents to make me feel whole, but I felt strangely guilty. Carter and I had been very blessed, with materialistic things. All the toys a child could want, home decor, and gift cards. I hadn't asked for anything for Christmas, and I feel very fortunate to have been blessed with such thoughtful gifts. But as I sat there, tears began to fill my eyes. What I wanted for Christmas is not something that anyone could place under the tree. I wanted my son to be at home, asleep in his room and to have the family that I always dreamed he would have. I wanted to have my parents together, and I wanted to have the relationship with my mother that I used to have. But I know better. God has a plan that far exceeds any plans that I could have for my own life. And much as it hurts, I have to trust that he knows what he's doing. 

I stood up to get a tissue, and as I began to walk, I passed by a mirror. For some reason, I just stood there and looked at my reflection. I have cried many tears within the past year, but this time I didn't wipe them away, I just let them fall. And as I looked at myself, I saw a girl that I didn't recognize. This girl was strong. But she didn't get that way on her own. 

I have learned that in my deepest moments of despair, to lay it all down before Jesus. In those moments when I don't want to get up off the floor, He reaches down to take my hand and helps me up again.... and again. He says," The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

I will never forget something that my dad told me not too long ago. He said, "There is only one man you can count on. As your dad, I will try my best but I am not perfect. But Jesus is." And my dad is right.

HE will never leave me. HE will never fail me. HE will never hurt me. HE is my rock. HE is my Savior. 

As I stood there looking in the mirror, a quiet voice was there to remind me that I wasn't walking through this alone. And through all of the trials and struggles, I can feel his presence. I believe that through me, he will use my story to further his kingdom and change the lives of others. Looking back at me in the mirror, I saw a girl who wasn't afraid of what the future holds, because she knows that her God is already there. He doesn't care about all those fancy gifts that we received for Christmas. He doesn't care what the comforter on your bed looks like, the brand of your handbag, or the jewels around your neck. He cares about what's in your heart. 

I now understood why I felt so empty. I looked around at my apartment and at those bags that were full of possessions and things that don't matter. I have things shoved away in drawers that I've forgotten about, and there's perfectly new toys that have sunk to the bottom of the toy box. I've got 20 pairs of shoes and there's children out there who don't even have one pair. I've become so selfish and have gotten so caught up in the earthly things of this world, that I have forgotten to live the way that Jesus has called us to live. Do I think that having nice things is wrong? Absolutely not! But if you're looking for earthy possessions to make you happy, you will always fall short. There will always be a newer, bigger, better thing out there. But there is only ONE God. And only He can fulfill your life, like nothing of this world. 

Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

If Jesus showed up at your doorstep for dinner, he wouldn't remember what you were wearing or what your house looked like. But he would remember what was in your heart. Each of is an innkeeper who decides if there is room for Jesus. Beneath all things of this World, is there room left for him in your heart?

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Every year it seems to go by faster and faster and I find myself wanting hold on the magic of the season. However, I'm looking forward to a brand new year and I have been praying about something big that God has placed on my heart. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated! If you don't hear from me before, I pray that you have a wonderful New Year's Day!

Xoxoxo, 

Brittani 

Homemade Bath Fizzies

There is nothing more that I look forward to at night, than taking a long relaxing bath at the end of the day. As a treat, I have always loved using Lush Cometics' bath bombs, but they can be anywhere from $6-$10 per bath bomb. With the amount of baths that I take, I'd be spending a lot of money on something that's going to fizzle away in just a few minutes. However, I always love how they make my bath water smell so good and my skin so soft. Soooo... I looked for recipes on Pinterest in an attempt to make my own. As expected, I came across dozens of recipes. After reading up on all of them, I decided to make a variation of my own recipe. 

So here are the ingredients I used. HOWEVER, I would substitute the baby oil for sweet almond oil. I just so happened to have baby oil on hand but I regret not using almond oil. Coconut oil is also optional because it doesn't completely fizz in the water, but it will make your skin so soft. 

3/4 cup corn starch-$3

1 cup baking soda -$2

1/2 cup citric acid (found at most health food stores; bought mine at Goodstuff) -$4

3T sweet almond oil ( also read that vegetable oil works well) -$6

1T coconut oil (OPTIONAL) -$10

1/3 small bottle essential oil; I used Lavender but you can choose any oil you choose -$10 

Food colors of choice 

Molds ( clear round ornaments, muffin tin with or without liners, different shaped candy molds)

NOT PICTURED A spray bottle with water. Helps to distribute the food coloring throughout the mixture.

My handy little helper........

Mix all the dry ingredients together (baking soda, citric acid, corn starch) in a large bowl.

Next add the sweet almond oil and the coconut oil if you choose. Then add the essential oil of your choice. I "guesstimated" the amount of oil I used to be about 1/4 to 1/3 of the bottle. I wanted my fizzies to be purple so I added about 5 drops of both red and blue food coloring. Then, spray the mixture with water to help distribute the color. Mix with your hands until the mixture is the color you want and the consistency is moldable like sand when squeezed. 

Press the mixture into the mold(s) you are using. I used a muffin tin with liners, but I plan to use a clear plastic ornament for the next batch so that they are in the shape of a ball. 

Let them sit in the freezer overnight. The liner will peel off easily when ready. 

And here's what they look like when they're done! I wish they would have been more of a purple color, but this was pretty "trial and error" for me. 

They made my bath water smell AMAZING and my skin SO soft. I even broke one in half and used it in Carter's bath, and his skin was so soft after. 

  

I hope that this recipe works for you!! I will however, continue to "tweak" the the ingredients and I promise to update you on any changes that I find work better. There are so many variations of this recipe with many shapes and scent combinations that it's overwhelming!

So grab a glass of wine, turn on Pandora, drop a bath Fizzie in your water and ENJOY!! 

Xoxoxo, 

Brittani 

 

This Thanksgiving...

It's truly amazing how quickly a year goes by, and how much your life can change in such a short amount of time. This time last year, my life felt as though it was completely falling apart all around me. Looking back, some of that time was a blur, and some of that time is embedded in my memory so vividly that I wish I could forget it. And although some days I still feel as though I'm still living in chaos, I feel extremely thankful this year for the many blessings that God has given me.

Social media makes it very to easy compare your life to everyone else's these days. We take the best part of our days and showcase them for everyone to see, moving piles of laundry and staging our pictures just right so it appears as though we have it all together. As you look through photos on my social media accounts, you would never be able to guess which days that I was battling some of the hardest days of my life. I'm guilty of looking at other's photos and seeing things like engagements, weddings and pregnancy announcements, and wondering why everyone else's lives seem to be moving forward while mine seems to be moving backwards. It has taken me a good year to realize that I am not moving backwards and that others lives are not as perfect as they might look on the outside. I have learned that although my life feels like it's falling apart, it's actually falling into place the way that God wants it to. Sometimes we get so caught up in the things in that aren't going OUR way, that we forget about the blessings that we have been given. This Thanksgiving, I want to be sure that I really take a step back and thank God for all that he has blessed me with, and I urge you to do the same. 

The biggest blessing in my life is my son. The greatest feeling in the world is to be loved unconditionally. Your children love you despite what your hair looks like, what jean size you wear or whether or not you graduated college. They fill a void in your heart that you didn't even know you had until they came into your life, and they make you forget all about your life before them. To be called "mommy" or "daddy" is one of the biggest blessings this world has to offer. Not only did God give me the gift of being a mom, but he gave me the second best calling, to be a nurse. Earlier this year, at a time when I needed it the most, he gave me the best job that I could ever ask for, and that's an understatement. I can't even call it a "job", because I would do it for free. I was not only given the best job, but I was blessed with a new friendship and another little boy who has stolen my heart.  It is no coincidence that I am where I am today.

I am thankful for the clothes that fit just a little too snug because it means that I have enough to eat. I'm thankful for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means that I am capable of walking. I'm thankful for the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech. I'm thankful for the lady behind me in church that sings off key because it means that I can hear. And I'm thankful for the alarm that goes off when I wake up because it means that I'm alive. I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, clothes on my back and a family that loves me. I have established friendships this year that I would have never had the chance to make if my life had never changed. I am an entirely different person than I was a year ago, and I love who I have become. I have learned grace, forgiveness, patience, strength and selflessness. And I have a whole future ahead of me, full of hopes and dreams and I have never been more excited about all the plans God has for my life.

I know there might be someone reading this that is going through a hard time this year, and it feels like you have nothing to be thankful for. I know you feel like the only one in world going through a hard time, but I promise you're not alone. Look around at all the simple things that you have been blessed with and don't compare your life to the "outside" of everyone else's. God might be doing some "rearranging" in your life, but know that he hasn't forgotten about you. 

My hope is that you will reflect over this past year and think about all that you have to be thankful for, and that you will enjoy this time with the ones that you love and love you. Oh, and gobble till you wobble! ;) 

Happy Thanksgiving!! 

Much love, 

Brittani

 

My Beauty Favorites

These types of posts are always my favorite to read from other bloggers. I'm always interested to see which products every one else is loving. My beauty routine is super simple and I don't use anything fancy on a day to day basis. All of these products can be found at your local Target.... imagine that?? I'm ALWAYS on the hunt for new beauty products to try out, but I always come back to these favorites!  If you're a busy mom like me, a student with little time, or just looking for a simple beauty routine, then this post is for you!! 

1. NYC Sunny Brozer- Until I stumbled across this bronzer, I always had trouble finding one that wouldn't make me look orange. I have very fair skin and most bronzers look very un-natural on my skin tone. This bronzer gives my skin a healthy glow and color, without looking orange or "fake". I've tried many-high end bronzers and while some of them worked well, I have never found one that is worth the $25. NYC Sunny is very natural looking and best of all..... It's only $3!!

2. Revlon Instant Age Rewind Dark Spot Corrector (my color is fair/light) - This concealer works miracles! I am a night nurse and a single mom of a toddler, so sleep is a rare commodity. This concealer is miraculously good at completely hiding those dark circles under my eyes. Revlon does have a "dark circle corrector" from this same line, but I feel like this concealer works better since I use it on other areas of my face. I apply this with the sponge applicator under my eyes and to any other areas that might need concealing. I don't usually wear a foundation so this works very well to cover up any areas of redness that I might have. It's a very light concealer with great coverage and runs from $8-$10 depending on where you purchase it from. 

3. Covergirl Lash Blast Mascara (in very black)- I have tried MANY mascaras in my day. I've tried countless high-end mascaras as well as drugstore mascaras but I always come back to this one. If I use another mascara and then begin using this one again, I always wonder why I stopped using it in the first place. I don't know that it has to do with the formula itself but it's more about the brush that I love. It's a thicker and larger brush that seems to separate the lashes without making them look thin and "spidery". And I NEVER use waterproof mascara. I'm convinced it makes your eyelashes fall out. You can find this mascara at Target or local drugstore for around $7. 

4.NYX Lip Butter (Apple Strudel)- THIS LIP GLOSS ROCKS. Seriously, this stuff is awesome. First off, I hate sticky lip glosses. I want to be able to slide my lips across each other and them not get stuck to each other. This lip gloss is as literally as smooth as butter, hints the name "lip butter". I also rarely wear lipstick so I like my lipgloss to have some color payoff. Every color that I have in this line, has beautiful color payoff, unlike many lipglosses that are very sheer or even clear. Plus, they smell like CUPCAKES. And you better sit down for this...... you can find these at Target for $4.99!!!! 

5. Burt's Bees Sensitive Night Cream- For some reason I have always had the most difficult time finding a moisturizer that works well with my skin. I have very sensitive skin, so trying new things makes me very anxious. However, I finally found one that works for me and this face cream is the bees knees (see what I did there??). When I wake up in the morning my skin is so soft and looks very refreshed, no matter how little sleep I get. It doesn't make me red, breakout, or leave my skin looking greasy. It is $15.99 at Target which is extremely reasonable for such a great night cream! If you have very sensitive skin like me, I cannot recommend this enough!! 

6. Simple Cleansing Facial Wipes- If you do not use makeup-removing wipes, you're really missing out!! I am very particular when it comes to skincare and I never go to sleep with makeup on. These wipes will take off all of your makeup in less than a minute or two, no harsh scrubbing necessary. I used to go through facial cleanser extremely fast but once I started using these, my cleanser lasts me MUCH longer. I have tried other brands, but they never remove my makeup as well as these do. Plus they are easy to throw in your bag for use at the gym or work. I usually buy mine in a value pack (2 packs of 25) for $6.47! 

7. Simple Moisturizing Facial Cleanser- BEST FACIAL CLEANSER EVER. It sounds silly, but I would be completely embarrassed to tell you the amount of facial cleansers that I have tried in my lifetime. I haven't always had the best skin, so after a few visits to the dermatologist in my late teens, my skin is virtually breakout free except for a few monthly exceptions. However, I still have very sensitive skin and most cleansers I have tried always made my face red or very dry. I have been using this cleanser for about 2 years now and my skin has never looked better. You can find it at Target for $6.99! 

8. Garnier Fructis Hairspray (humidity control)- Although most of my hair products are "high-end" brands, hair spray is one product that I have a hard time splurging on. I feel like most of them do the same thing, some just make your hair "harder" than others. And that's exactly why I love this hairspray. It does not make your hair feel "hard" at all. I can spray it on flyaways, curls, and ponytails and it holds each style without fail. I also like that the scent is pleasant but not overpowering, like some hairsprays that always end up giving me a headache. Best of all, it's only $3.99! 

I hope that you found this post helpful in some way and that you will go out and try a few of these drugstore gems for yourself! Leave a comment below if you tried out or use any of these products and let me know how you like them!  And if YOU have any favorite beauty products, I'd love to know about them! Have a "BEAUTY-ful" day!!! 

Xoxo, 

Brittani 

Dear Carter

I apologize for being so MIA lately. I've been wanting to write this post for weeks now, but the timing just wasn't right. So now I sit with the words I want to say overflowing from my heart and I'm ready to share this with you. And of course with Carter, as I hope this is something that he will cherish one day.

DISCLAIMER: You might want to grab some tissues. 

Dear Carter, 

As I sit here in the dark rocking you to sleep, with your nose so stuffy that you can barely breathe, and your little arms wrapped around my neck, I can't begin to tell you how much I love you. You gave me a run for my money today. Throwing a fit in Target, flushing wads of toilet paper to clog up the toilet, and spilling yogurt all over yourself and the rug, twice. But in every moment, no matter how trying, there will never be a time when I will not love you. From the early morning of July 27, 2012 at the very moment that I saw that plus sign, I have loved you. I loved you when you made me sick, gave me terrible heartburn, and kicked me so hard I thought you would kick right through my skin. Everyday that my belly grew, my heart grew with love for you. The anticipation of meeting you was almost more than I could bear. Finally, on April 13, 2013 at 3:34pm, I fell in love with you. From the moment they placed you in my arms, I wanted to protect you from the world. I had no idea what it took to be a good mother, or if I would even be good mother, but I wanted to be the best for you. 

The early days were hard. I vividly remember laying on the couch with you on my chest because it was the only way you would sleep. I would cry, when you cried. I was exhausted, and you were stubborn. It took awhile, but eventually we got the hang of it. I dreaded the day that I had to go back to school. I cried because I had to leave you, and even thought about not finishing so I could be with you. But God knew our future, and He held my hand and guided me through school, for you. He knew that it wouldn't be our toughest battle. 

Every Sunday, I meet your daddy so that you can spend a few days with him while I go to work. These days are the hardest. I tell myself the whole way there that I will not cry when I drop you off. I tell you that I love you so much, and you say " I uv you so much." I am able to choke back tears until I get on the highway. Two days seems like an eternity, but I am so grateful that your father loves you just as much as I do, and I know that you also enjoy your time with him. You see, although we are not married to each other, we have something in common and that is we both equally love you more than you could ever imagine.

I struggle with feelings that I have let you down. I wanted your life to be perfect, because you deserve that. To protect you from every little thing that might hurt you, or let you down. But I want you to know, that life will not always go your way. You're going to get knocked down time after time and sometimes you're going to want to lie there and not get up. I want you to know that it's ok to cry. To get angry. To not understand. And I might not always be able to fix it, but I promise to always be the hand that pulls you up, every time. God made you a very head-strong boy, but I pray that you will always seek God's will for your life. He always knows what's best for you, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. I thank God everyday that he has made me your mom, and there is nothing you could ever do to change that. 

There are many nights where I tuck you in and close the door behind me and I stand there with tears steaming down my face. You're growing so fast and I don't ever want to forget these moments. I scan over the day and think of the little moments that I might have overlooked. When you hold out your hand for me to kiss your "boo-boo" or hang on my leg until I pick you up or cuddle in my arms when you're sick. Because one day it will be the last time for each of those things and I don't ever want to forget. I look forward to every "first" with you and you will never have a bigger fan than me. 

I wrote you this letter so that you will never forget just how much I love you. Just in case a day comes where I am not able to remind you just how much you mean to me. You will never fully understand just how much I love you. You literally saved my life. You make me laugh when I want to cry. You have made me selfless and patient. You keep joy in my heart. You keep me on my toes. You make me a better person. You are the best gift that God could ever give, and I am blessed that he chose me to be your mom. 

  

I love you Carter. 

Love, 

Mommy