Letting Go of The List

I spent the most wonderful weekend with my favorite boy, outside enjoying our beautiful Texas weather. We took walks to the neighborhood park, played with sidewalk chalk, played golf in the front yard, drove in his "big boy" car, and finished the days with ice cream. He loves to be outside, and I can't tell you how thankful I am that we now have a yard for us to play in, from sun-up to sun-down. 

I loaded up Carter and his sidekick, Marlowe, and we headed out for our first morning walk around the neighborhood. Carter was content, happily watching people outside mowing their lawns, waving at neighbors on their morning jog, and informing me every time we passed a yard with dogs that they were "barking". I couldn't help but think to myself how content I was. How grateful I was to have a job that allows me to be home with Carter more than most single moms. How thankful I was to have a home, in a wonderful and safe neighborhood. But somewhere in the middle of that walk, I realized why I felt so content. I had finally let go of "The List". 

You know when you go for a job interview and they ask the infamous question, "So where do you see yourself in 5 years?" That's the list I'm referring to. If you had asked me that question 5 years ago, here's what I would have said. 

"I would like to be married by age 22, with 3 or 4 children before I'm 30 and live  in a beautiful home. I would like to have a nursing degree so that I can work in the future, but I'd really like to be a "stay at home mom" while my kids are young." 

That was MY list and I was sticking to it. But a little over a year into my marriage and shortly after Carter was born, that "list" was torn to pieces. I suddenly found myself as a single mom, working full-time, divorced at the age of 23. Shaking my fist at God, I remember thinking, "Hello God?? This was not on my list! Do you even care? What am I supposed to do now?" 

I will admit, I like to be in control. I want to plan things out. I want to be prepared. I'm afraid of the unknown. And I'm impatient. So, I made a new list. But I soon realized that my list and God's list weren't lining up, again. The more that I sought His will, the more I could feel Him taking me out of my comfort zone. But still, I couldn't let my "list" go. It wasn't until one day, while listening to the  Redeemed Girl podcast (which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND), I felt convicted. The message was about wishing away the season of life that you're in. And that's exactly what I was doing. I was wasting away this season of my life living in comparison and in bitterness. I was saying, "I have not this, so God you are not good." I was so focused on my list that I was wasting away this season of my life that is actually a gift. I knew that I could believe to see it as such, or I could believe the voice of the evil one, robbing me of my peace, my joy and my purpose. 

I realized that no matter what my "list" looks like, God's list will always prevail. So that day, I threw my list away. That mental list of when I would be married, have children, own a house, etc. I left it in his hands and I haven't looked back. Do I still want to be married and have children some day? Of course! But I've left that in God's hands, because HIS timing is perfect. In the meantime, He is calling me out of my comfort zone to do things that were never on my list.  I have stopped wishing away this season of my life, learning a lot about myself and the God who created me, and embracing the path that He  has designed for me. And I have never felt more content. 

Proverbs 19:21 says 

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." 

Maybe you're watching everyone else get engaged or married, but your "Prince Charming" is no where to be found. Maybe you are longing for a child and everyone else but you is pregnant. Whatever your situation might be, I challenge you to throw your "list" away. To put your life, hopes, dreams, and goals in God's hands. Don't make your list and then ask him to bless it. Surrender it to him and ask for Him to guide you along the way. You will never know what you might be missing out on if you decide to follow your own list. If there's one thing I've learned in the past year, it's that HIS PLAN IS BETTER. I can promise that you will feel a sense of peace and contentment knowing that your life is perfectly "on schedule" according to his plan. HIS timing is perfect. 

I hope you all have a wonderful week! 

Much Love, 

Brittani