Running Late with No Place to Be

If you know me personally, you will know that I recently moved into a new house! Well it's "new" to me that is. After living in four different apartments, finally being in a house is still very surreal to me. The move went very smoothly, and I have my family to thank for all their help (and muscles). 

The evening of the move, everything had been moved into the house, but we realized that Carter's crib would not fit through his door and would need to be taken apart. However, the tools were still at my apartment and it was getting late. I told my family to go home and I would get the tools and do it myself. By the time I started to take it apart, it was close to 10pm. By then, I was completely exhausted. Not to mention I was still recovering from the dreaded stomach virus that seems to be going around. Carter was still awake, and it had been a long day for him as well. So naturally, we were a ticking time bomb. Finally, after what seemed like 100 screws later, I had one side of the crib railing off, but it still wouldn't fit through the door. The next side of the crib seemed to pose a bigger problem. The screws were so tight and the wrench wouldn't fit in between the slats. In the meantime, Carter had secretly stolen a lipstick from my purse and was applying it to his lips, AND my new carpet. That was the last straw. The tears started to flow. I was tired, I was overwhelmed, I was angry. Angry because the screws were too tight, angry because I didn't have a husband to do these "man tasks", angry because I was doing it by myself. I didn't understand. God gave me a home, but this isn't the way that it was supposed to be in my head. I mean, I had it all planned out didn't I?? This isn't the way I had envisioned the first night in my first home, crying over a crib. 

Finally I decided to put Carter in my bed and lay with him until he fell asleep. This never happens because he doesn't want to go to sleep if I'm laying with him. I laid down on my bed for the first time all day. He snuggled up in my arms along with his 6 "friends" taking up the majority of my king sized bed. In the silence and in the darkness of my new room, I could feel God whisper softly to me. He had given me this home. He had given me the finances, the job, the perfect situation and he had made this home available for me because it was HIS plan. Most of all, He gave me that precious little boy snuggled up in my arms, already fast asleep. I wanted to get up, I wanted to get that crib in his room, I wanted to get unpacked. The chaos and unorganization was driving me crazy. But I didn't NEED to do any of that. What was I in a hurry for?? To unpack a box so I could put some plates in the cabinet? To hang a picture on a wall, or rearrange my furniture? All of that could wait.

Most of the time, I find myself NOT wanting to be still. Our culture wants us to believe that being "busy" is a good thing. I feel guilty taking time to just sit and be still. There's always laundry to be done, cleaning to be done, grocery shopping to be done, errands to run and the list is never-ending. But God wants us to be still! He craves our time and attention and to BE STILL and know that he is God! How can we hear when he is speaking to us if we're too busy to stop and listen? Your dirty dishes can wait. Your laundry can wait. You can clean the house later. What are we in a hurry for?? 

So many times I find myself looking so far into the future that I forget to live for today. Sit down and play with your children. For tomorrow they will be another day older. Rock them to sleep because tomorrow they might outgrow your lap. Kiss their boo boos because one day they won't ask you anymore. Let them take all 6 stuffed animals in the car, because one day you'll miss it. Let them make messes and get dirty. The memories will be worth the cleanup. 

Just as our children long for our time, our Heavenly Father also longs to spend time with his children. Just as one of my favorite worship songs goes, 

HE is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane and I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy

And oh, how he loves us, oh 

Oh how he loves us

He is jealous for YOU! 

So as I laid there in the darkness, my baby in my arms, I felt a calm come over me. I had finally sat down long enough, that in the stillness I felt at peace. So what did I have to be angry about? Nothing. This was God's plan. And I thank him everyday for all that he has provided me with, including my new wonderful home. My God, who created my innermost being, wants me to be STILL in the hustle and bustle of this life, and talk to him. He cares about every detail of your life. Psalm 55:22 says 

Cast your cares on The Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. 

Are you running late with no place to be? This week, I encourage you slow down and be still. I promise you won't regret it. 

Much love, 

Brittani

Respire Haiti

About 5 months ago, God had placed the desire in my heart to go on a small mission trip. I'll be honest, the idea was a little intimidating at first. I thought that maybe the desire would just fade away, but it only grew stronger, confirming that it was much more than just MY idea. Then one evening, while standing in my kitchen, I began thinking to myself, "What is God trying to teach me right now? What does he want from me during this season of my life?" Slowly, I have begun to realize that this season of my life is about growing my relationship with HIM, and learning to fully TRUST Him. And that means trusting him with every decision and in every area of my life. 

Being a pediatric nurse, I feel that He is calling me to step out of my box and take the gift of compassion and knowledge that He has given me, and use it to further His kingdom. I know that there are so many ministries that work with children in orphanages and many that are in need of nurses, but I had no idea which one to choose. I had considered a few, but I couldn't commit to one. I just couldn't find the one that felt "right". After praying for months and asking God to make it clear where it is he wanted me to go, I finally got my answer. 

A very good friend of mine, Nich, had recently moved to Haiti. A little over a week ago, I got a text message from him that read, 

"Thinking of you today! Sending prayers from Haiti." 

We small talked a little, and then I asked him if it would ever be possible for me to come to Haiti? I thought that maybe it was a long shot, but something was urging me to ask. And this was his reply.... 

"That's not even a question at all!! Brittani! That would be SO doable." 

It's amazing the way that God works. This was the confirmation I was hoping for. 

To understand more about the ministry, he encouraged me to read the book "Miracle on Voodoo Mountain", a book written by the amazing young woman who started the ministry, Respire, that he is a part of. I URGE you to read this captivating story of this young woman whom God is using in such a mighty way. The desire in my heart to visit Haiti has deepened even more after finishing this book. I just couldn't put it down and ended up finishing it in one day, it was incredible. 

I have interviewed Nich so you can get a glimpse of what it's like to serve The Lord in Haiti. And if it's God's will, I will be headed there in May!! Please continue to be in prayer for him and the rest of the Respire ministry. Nich is also 100% support based, and If you feel that The Lord has put it on your heart to help support him, please gather his information at the end of his interview. 

Here we go!  

So Nich, I guess we should start out by saying how we know each other…

Well, we met each other in fourth grade, when your family moved to La Vernia, and we quickly became friends.  If I remember correctly, our passion to become world-renowned zoologists together is what we initially bonded over.  Through the years, our passions and pursuits may have changed, but our friendship only grew deeper!

When did you first realize that God was calling you to live in Haiti?  Have you always wanted to do that?

I first visited Haiti last summer (2014) as part of my role with Champions Special Ministries, a non-profit organization based out of Kansas City that serves individuals with special needs.  We worked at a special needs orphanage in Port-au-Prince for about a week, before coming back to the states for a summer of ministry across the Midwest.

At the end of the summer, I moved back to Dallas, TX to finish my Master’s Degree in Christian Education.  I worked diligently to finish my degree, find a job, and develop my ideal “five-year plan,” but the Lord never gave me a sense of peace about it all.  In September, God really began to ignite a fire in my heart for the people of Haiti.  Almost every day, the Lord would interrupt my prayers, my journaling, and my Bible reading with visions of Haiti and its people.  To be honest, I remember thinking it was frustrating, that God would interrupt my quiet times in such fashion.  I knew the Spirit was nudging my heart, but day after day, I didn’t want to believe the calling he was speaking over my life.

So, to answer your question:  No.  Haiti was never really on my radar.  It all happened pretty quickly.  God has a funny way of doing that.

Was it hard to give up everything you knew in order to follow what God was telling you to do?

Once I gave God my yes, I received confirmation after confirmation that I had made the right decision.  For example, one day I randomly bumped into a friend I hadn’t talked to in months.  As we made small talk, she said, “What are you doing after you finish school in December?”  When I told her I was moving to Haiti, her eyes could not have possibly grown any bigger.  When I questioned her reaction, she said, “Nich, that makes so much sense.  I have been having dreams for the past few weeks about you in Haiti.”

That was just one example of many I could reference.  In light of the confirmation I received from friends and family, and the peace I experienced from the Father, giving up everything became a no-brainer, because I knew I would never regret being obedient to God.

Can you tell us a little about the ministry that you are a part of?

Sure.  Founded in 2011, Respire (Res-per-ray) Haiti serves to encourage, educate, and empower restaveks (slave children), orphans and vulnerable children in Haiti.  Located in Gressier, about 20 miles west of Port-au-Prince, Respire Haiti runs a Christian school of over 500 students, most of which are restaveks, in a culture where less than 50% of children attend school.  Respire Haiti also operates community feeding and discipleship programs.

What does a typical day look like for you in Haiti?

Every day looks a little bit different around here.  In Haiti, you learn to expect the unexpected.  You also learn to wear many hats.  My main roles at Respire include spiritual formation (making disciples and mentoring young teens, preaching on Sundays, creating Bible studies), working with children who have special needs, and providing tennis lessons.

Like I said, my schedule varies from day to day, but I can do my best to give you a snapshot of a typical day in Haiti.  I usually wake up around 5 a.m., in order to spend some alone time with Jesus (read my Bible, pray, and journal).  Around 7:15 a.m., I walk up Bellevue Mountain to go to school.  It’s about a 20-minute walk.  During the morning, I work with students one-on-one in the special needs classroom.  Early afternoons are usually spent studying for and preparing my Sunday message.  I teach tennis lessons between 3-5 p.m up on the mountain on a makeshift tennis court.  And any spare time I have, I try to spend with the young kids and teens of the community.  I am usually in bed by 8 p.m.

What is/are the biggest needs that Haiti has?

The needs of Haiti are seemingly endless.  Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere, so the physical needs are obvious.  Most people do not have access to food, clean water, or medicine.  Lack of education is another huge problem.

The greatest need, and the one I care about most, is the need for Jesus’ perfect love to push back generations of darkness.  I believe with all my heart that He is Haiti’s (and the world’s)only hope.  Haiti is a very dark country, spiritually speaking.  In fact, the mountain I live on is actually known as Voodoo Mountain.  Animal sacrifices and satanic worship are common. I have witnessed countless beatings of children.  I have heard horrible stories of rape and violence inflicted on young girls and children.  I have seen children avoid another child with special needs, because special children are viewed as “cursed.”

My heart breaks the most for the young men of Gressier, Haiti.  I remember coming to Haiti in June and seeing so many women in the orphanage where we stayed.  “Where are the men?” I thought.  That was the question that burdened me the most back in September, when the Spirit was pulling my heart towards this country.  Women are naturally nurturing.  It comes so easily for most of them.  Men, on the other hand, aren’t nurturers by nature.  Establishing relationships and intentionally pouring into them day after day is not a strong gift most men possess. It is incredibly rare to find that kind of mature and Godly man in Haiti.  That’s not a dis on this country or its men.  That’s just reality.

Sometimes we’re the answers to our own prayers.  I knew the need in Haiti was great, for love, affection, and strong Godly role models.  I knew how hungry these kids were, to feel wanted, to feel cherished and valued, especially by a male figure.  And I had faith that God could move through me, and could magnify His perfect love through my imperfections.  The Bible says our faith can move mountains.  I want to see this mountain moved from darkness to light, and I believe that is going to happen one child at a time.  Jesus changed the world with Twelve.  Surely I can have an impact on this mountain.

How can we help support you and your ministry?

The first and most important way you can support me is via prayer. I desperately need the strength of the Father, the power of the Spirit, and the love of Jesus, in order to have any shot of being effective in ministry.  Pray for my learning of Haitian Creole.  Pray for my relationship with the young men of Gressier, Haiti.  Pray for my faith, that the joy of the Lord would be my strength.  Pray for patience, understanding, and a forgiving spirit.  Pray for my dependence on Jesus.

Also, if you feel so led, please consider partnering with me financially.  You can email me to find out more about how to do this. I have provided my personal email below.

Is there anything you would like to add?

If you’re interested in how God is moving in Haiti, and in particular, how he is moving in Gressier, please feel free to follow my journey at beautyonthemountain.wordpress.com … You can also find Megan Boudreaux’s (the founder of Respire Haiti) book, Miracle on Voodoo Mountain at any book store.  It is a powerfully inspiring read.

If you have any other questions or comments, or you would like to find out more about supporting me financially, please email me at bergstrom.nich@gmail.com

Thank you Brittani for taking the time to feature me on your blog.  It’s an honor and a privilege to be a part of your inspiring website.

 

‘Til the World Knows,

Nich

Angel Gowns

I remember the day that I first saw it, beautifully hanging on the store mannequin. I had been looking for only a few days but I knew I would know what I wanted when I saw it. The consultant took it off the mannequin for me and I slipped into the dressing room to try it on. I walked out of the dressing room and looked in the mirror. It was beautiful. The bodice was entirely beaded, and when the light hit it just right, it sparkled. The corset back and long satin train gave it the elegant "princess" touch that I had always dreamed of. With tears of joy streaming down my face, I said "YES" to my wedding dress.

 

Fast forward a few years and that beautiful dress is tucked away in my closet, in a preservation box, untouched since my wedding day. You don't really think about what you'll do with your "dream dress" after the big day. I always thought maybe I would give it to my daughter, if I had one, although I'm sure she would have her own style and taste when it came her time. But when a marriage doesn't work out, looking back at your wedding dress brings about many mixed emotions. After much thought, I decided I would try to sell it. To be honest, I didn't try very hard. I wanted it to go to the "right" person, and I just didn't feel like I had found that person. Then one night, while at bible study, I brought up my wedding dress. I'm not sure why the topic came up, but there's a reason that it did. 

A good friend of mine began to tell me that her church was collecting wedding dresses to make burial gowns for babies who don't come home from the hospital.  She said that if I wanted to donate it, she would take it for me. Without hesitation, I knew that this is what I wanted to do. To know that my dress, that made me feel so beautiful, would be made into the wedding dress (or tux) that a baby angel would never grow up to wear. I have never lost a baby, and I pray that I never will. But having a younger brother in heaven who was a stillborn, I know that someone like my mother would have appreciated such a gesture. I can only imagine that amongst the grief that the family feels after the loss of their baby, having a gown for them is one less thing that they will have to think about. My prayer is that my gown will help acknowledge how precious that baby's life was. The truth is, like most brides, my dress was worn for maybe a total of 10 hours, and it made me feel beautiful and special during that time. But nothing can compare to how beautiful my dress will look on these precious babies as they greet their Heavenly Father who has called them home. 

I've been asked if I have mixed feelings, or if it's sad for me to let go of my dress. And I can honestly answer that by saying "no". I have to thank my Nannan (my grandma) who bought me the wedding dress of my dreams. I will always be grateful for her love and generosity. The truth is that no one can predict the future, and a failed marriage or not, a dress is just a dress. And if it's in God's plan, I might wear another wedding dress some day. But for now, this dress will serve a much greater purpose than sitting in a box, in my closet, collecting dust. These precious little angels will look more beautiful in their gowns, than I ever possibly could have. 

If you are interested in donating your wedding dress to this wonderful cause, visit nicuhelpinghands.org or email me at wittybritty0413@gmail.com. Very pale colored prom or bridesmaid dresses in colors light blue, light pink and light purple are also accepted. 

Xoxoxo, 

Brittani 

Beautifully Broken

I still remember the dreaded sound of my alarm going off at 5am. If I was lucky, Carter would have only woken up twice in the middle of the night to eat, leaving me a few hours to get some sleep. Exhausted, I'd drag myself out of bed, and fumble around for the pile of scrubs I had laid out the night before. I would get dressed in the dark and quietly slip into the bathroom to brush my teeth and put my hair up in a bun. Then I would sit on the counter and try my best to put some life into my face. I distinctly remember looking in the mirror and telling myself, "You can do this." More than once, a tear would roll down my cheek. 

I'd go into the kitchen, make my lunch for the day and pop two waffles in the toaster. If I had enough time, I might get to sit down and eat them. It was almost time for my grandma to arrive to watch Carter for the day. So before I left, I'd sneak into his room and watch him sleep. I'd whisper, "Mommy loves you" ever so softly, kiss my finger, and place it on his head. Then I would slip out the door. I always hated how depressingly dark and cold it was when I would leave. I would get into my car, just fast enough before the tears would come pouring down. I had three months of school left, and it was going to take everything I had just to finish. 

I remember people telling me how I would look back and one day forget about all of the pain and the hurt that I felt. At the time, I wished all the pain would go away. I would have given ANYTHING for it to just go away. I absolutely ached to the very depths of my soul, and I would be lying if I said that some days I don't still feel that pain. But I CAN'T forget that pain. I will remember exactly where I was the day I found out my husband was having a relationship outside of our marriage. I will remember every tear I cried. I will remember where I sat the night he told me he didn't love me. I will remember all the times I laid on the floor, begging God to take the hurt away. I will remember the nights that I drove around just to find a quiet place to park and cry. This may sound strange, but I WANT to remember the hard, so that I'm able to cherish the strength that I gained from it all. The bible says: 

               

                     "For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of 

                      glory beyond all comparison, as we look not for the things that are seen

                      but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient

                      but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

What I'm trying to say is that the life that I knew before, could never produce in my heart, what this "broken" life has! Yours might look different, you may be battling with infertility, coping with addictions, experiencing pain from a failed marriage and the list goes on and on. But they all have one thing in common and that is that they are all something in your life that is broken, and cause you to need Jesus. Don't resist what God wants to do in your heart through your story! 

                      "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the 

                       test, that person will receive the crown of life that The Lord has promised 

                       to those who love him." James 1:12

HE picked me up off the floor. HE wiped my tears. HE helped me finish school. HE gave me the best job in the world. HE has provided a home for me. HE has helped me raise the most precious little boy. HE has placed dreams and desires in my heart that were never there before.HE is my Heavenly Father.  And there is no way I would have made it this far without him. 

As I reflect back on those rough days of waking up early to finish nursing school, raising a baby, going through a divorce, watching my parents divorce, and losing the one person who I counted on the most, I have no doubt in my mind as to how I made it through. The days still aren't always easy. Sometimes when my heart is too full of hurt and I am so overwhelmed by the "hard", I lean into the arms of my Father. I can almost feel his arms wrap around my weary heart as I rest in his presence. I can feel him doing something big in me... something much bigger than I can see. And this brokenness that we feel for this short time, is preparing us for something beyond what we could ever comprehend. We are all beautifully broken. 

Xoxoxo

Brittani 

What I'm Loving Lately + GIVEAWAY

One of my favorite ways to learn about new products is by word of mouth. I always love to hear what others are really loving, and about products that work for them. I thought it would be a great idea to do monthly posts on "What I'm Loving Lately" so that I can share with you all, the things that I am loving! I will include things like beauty products, household products, foods, books, kids items and anything else that's worth sharing! So, here we go! 

For only $5.99 at Target, you can get this amazing face primer that is very comparable to many high-end primers. I have always thought that a primer wasn't really a necessary step in my beauty routine. It just seemed like one extra thing to do, and for me, less is more. What I didn't realize was that by using a primer, it would help cut down time on my makeup routine. By using just a small amount of this clear primer over my face, it smooths over any rough spots and makes pores less visible, making concealers and powders glide on effortlessly. Best of all, it doesn't break me out! I just repurchased this last week because I didn't want to be without it! 

I picked these up at my local grocery store after searching for a vitamin with biotin for my hair. After coloring my hair quite often lately, I was concerned about the health of it. I'm happy to say that I have been taking these diligently for about a month now and I have noticed a significant difference in my hair! I have noticed less fallout and an increase in growth. If you are trying to grow your hair or just improve it's overall health, I would definitely recommend these! 

I absolutely LOVE this stuff!! I started using this body wash years ago when I found it at ULTA. I immediately loved it. It smells like a sweet lemon cupcake, and lemon smells are my absolute favorite. Don't worry, if you don't like lemon scents, there are plenty more wonderful scents to choose from! My skin has never felt softer than it does after using this. I have always had these tiny bumps on my upper arms known as "keratosis pilaris". While you can't see them, you can feel the bumps. After using this, you can barely even feel them at all! You can purchase this body wash at ULTA for around $8. I have also found the vitabath body washes at TJMAXX and Marshall's for the same price. 

If there's one weakness that I have, experimenting with different hair products is definitely it. I have tried MANY conditioners in my lifetime. I am very particular on the way I want them to make my hair feel, and of course, smell is also a big plus. I have tried many different hair care brands, but I always come back to Biolage. It leaves my hair feeling extremely soft, but not too soft so that it doesn't hold style. It also helps cut down on the crazy fly-always that I tend to get. Some conditioners tend to leave build-up or residue on your scalp, but I have never had that issue when using Biolage. And to top it off, ALL Biolage products smell heavenly!! 

If you walk into my apartment on any given day, 9 times out of 10 I will have a candle burning. Lately, I have been so obsessed with these candles from Anthropologie in the scent "Volcano". I am terrible at describing scents, but the Anthropologie website describes the scent as: tropical fruits, sugared oranges, lemons and limes, redolent with lightly exotic mountain greens. In other words, it smells AMAZING. This scent comes in all different sizes and in different style jars that are just beautiful. Not only will they make your home smell so wonderful, but the beautiful jars make for a gorgeous decorating piece! 

Last but not least are these reverse stud earrings from The Loft. On a daily basis, I usually find it best to wear some type of stud earring, especially with a toddler who likes to pull on my hair and earrings. I began to get really bored with plain pearl studs, until I came across these while shopping at The Loft one day. The trendy reverse style gives them a unique and edgy twist that I absolutely love! And they will go with just about any outfit, dressed up or down! 

And...... I love these earrings so much, I've decided to do a GIVEAWAY!!!! One lucky reader will win a pair of these reverse pearl studs from The Loft! I tried to keep this as simple as possible, so here are the instructions..... 

Starts Wednesday, January 14

Ends Friday, January 16 @ Noon CST 

WINNER will be announced via Instagram on Friday, Jan. 16

Tag 2 friends on the giveaway post located on my Instagram page @brittaninic 

For an extra entry, you may share the giveaway post on Instagram! 

GOOD LUCK! 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog! I hope you are able to try out a few of these wonderful products that I have discovered! Comment below and let me know what you are loving lately!! 

Xoxoxo, 

Brittani